From b09603ca415ca0ebcdae0df34477cbd87ee3a5c1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Haeldral <37022753+Haeldral@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2023 01:34:55 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] New branch for test (scene 01 and 02) (#250) MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit * FIRST COMMIT - SCENE 4-00 first commit, it's a test but also a real review of the test. "hey haelle, you already reviewed this part though?" "yeah but it was really bad, I was doing single dialog review instead of reviewing the scene as a whole" The major changes here a uniformisation of the tenses: everything now respects the past tense as recommended in stories. You can learn more here: https://centralschool.ie/english-grammar/narrative-tenses/ Another major change are the "……" becoming "…", since the first form doesn't exist in english * scene 4-01 first draft * Update scene-4-01.xml * Update scene-4-01.xml * Update public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-00.xml * Update public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-00.xml * Update public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-00.xml * Update scene-4-02.xml * Update scene-4-00.xml * Apply extra fixes --------- Co-authored-by: Sakura Knoll --- public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-01.xml | 72 +++++++++++------------ public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-02.xml | 49 ++++++++------- 2 files changed, 60 insertions(+), 61 deletions(-) diff --git a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-01.xml b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-01.xml index e6133792..6e9f5261 100644 --- a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-01.xml +++ b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-01.xml @@ -5,7 +5,7 @@

-

This is a tiny stop in the desert.

+

It was a tiny stop in the desert.

@@ -18,12 +18,12 @@

-

300 years later, a caravan from Yan Kingdom passed this place.

+

300 years later, a caravan from the Yan Kingdom passed this place.

The caravan carried jewelry, jade, cotton and silk brocade, accompanied by a diplomatic envoy.

-

The value of this person was worth more than the sum of the caravan’s goods, because he shouldered the important mission of traveling to the Western Regions, communicating, and building alliances.

+

The value of this person was worth more than the sum of the caravan’s goods, because he shouldered the important mission of traveling to the Western Regions, communicating and building alliances.

@@ -42,7 +42,7 @@

100 years later, the Huns came from the north. They swept the Banyu village, killed all the old and middle-aged men, took all the women and young children, and went to the remote Western Regions.

-

……The oasis was left behind by the Huns, forgotten once more by the world.

+

…The oasis was left behind by the Huns, forgotten once more by the world.

@@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ - Looking up, the great sun burns high above, its bright rays illuminating the earth. + Looking up, the great sun was burning high above, its bright rays illuminating the earth. @@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ - Looking around in the steaming heat, layers of sand dunes look like waves rippling endlessly. + Looking around in the steaming heat, layers of sand dunes were like waves rippling endlessly. @@ -83,25 +83,25 @@ *sigh* -

The man sighs again.

-

The desert’s heat and desolation agitates him.

+

The man sighed again.

+

The desert’s heat and desolation were agitating him.

 -

Looking around, everything in his vision remains the same;

-

the sun, the sky, the yellow sand…… are all immobile and motionless.

-

Even the air is stiff, there’s not a breeze around him.

+

Looking around, everything in his vision remained the same;

+

the sun, the sky, the yellow sand… were all immobile and motionless.

+

Even the air was stiff, there was not a breeze around him.

 - 「Rong…… how’s it going over there?」 + 「Rong… how’s it going over there?」 - 「…………」 + 「……」 In the distance, his companion responded by simply shaking his head, signaling nothing out of the ordinary was spotted. -

The other man knew very well the man was just starting a conversation to alleviate his boredom.

-

But in this desert like an oven, talking was a luxury.

+

The other man knew very well that the man was just starting a conversation to alleviate his boredom.

+

But in this desert, hot as an oven, talking was a luxury.

Opening his mouth would be a waste of saliva.

@@ -119,9 +119,9 @@

ㅤ

Characters in the story may utter curse words due to factors such as their origins, environment, and education. However, in order to respect the characters' personalities, some of these words are hidden in the novel. We hope that you understand.

- 「Fine, okay…… **, I got it.」 + 「Fine, okay… **, I got it.」 He touched the closed door and licked his lips sadly. - He is still a newcomer. It’s only been a few months since he joined the 「Golden Sand Gang」, he has yet to learn all the rules. If he did, he would’ve known the value of water, would’ve spoken less, and stand still by the shadow of the ancient wall until the Boss comes back. + He was still a newcomer. It had only been a few months since he joined the 「Golden Sand Gang」, he had yet to learn all the rules. If he did, he would’ve known the value of water, would’ve spoken less, and would have stood still by the shadow of the ancient wall until the Boss comes back.

ㅤ

@@ -138,24 +138,24 @@ -

……He knew very well that the Boss didn’t take him lightly just because he’s new.

-

Normally gang members take turns looking after their base, it just so happens today is his turn.

+

…He knew very well that the Boss didn’t take him lightly just because he was new.

+

Normally, gang members take turns looking after their base, it just so happened that today was his turn.

 - Even though the Golden Sand Gang will still reward him all the same despite him staying back to protect the base. + Even though the Golden Sand Gang would still reward him all the same, despite him staying back to protect the base. -

But- he is a fighter, a real killer.

-

Robbing, looting, kidnapping, murdering…… These are what he signed up to do.

-

The clashes of blades and the slicing of flesh…… Those are the real rewards he seeks.

+

But- he was a fighter, a real killer.

+

Robbing, looting, kidnapping, murdering… These were what he signed up to do.

+

The clashes of blades and the slicing of flesh… Those were the real rewards he sought.

 -

[em bold color=#ff0000]Battling[/em] and [em bold color=#ff0000]Killing[/em]; these are the things that the man values.[\s]

-

No doubt about it, this man is the evil amongst the evil.[\s]

-

Not only does he bear no shame in this, he prides himself with this as proof of who he really is.

+

[em bold color=#ff0000]Battling[/em] and [em bold color=#ff0000]Killing[/em]; these were the things that the man valued.[\s]

+

No doubt about it, this man was the evil amongst the evil.[\s]

+

Not only did he bear no shame in this, he prided himself with this as proof of who he really was.

 -

As such, being left out of such a 「Big Fish」 makes the man feel extremely

+

As a result, being left out of such a 「Big Fish」 made the man feel extremely

humiliated and angry.[\s]

-

It’s this anger that frustrates him and makes him talkative.

+

It was this anger that frustrated him and made him talkative.

 @@ -176,12 +176,12 @@ In front of him, a girl was walking towards them.

The man wasn’t hallucinating, this isn’t one of those "mirages" that appear in the desert.[\s]

-

The girl…… she was walking slowly towards them from the other end of the desert.

+

The girl… she was walking slowly towards them from the other end of the desert.

 「R-Rong——!」

His whisper quickly dissipated in the heat.

-

Without realizing, he already made several big mistakes.

+

Without realizing, he had already made several big mistakes.

First: He lost his composure.

@@ -189,19 +189,19 @@

If this was the Big Boss, he wouldn’t have made such a big deal out of this.

 -

But, the Golden Sand Gang are the feared leaders of the Northern Desert.

-

They have never met a girl that walks up to them like this.

+

But, the 「Golden Sand Gang」 are the feared leaders of the Northern Desert.

+

They had never met a girl that walked up to them like this.

 「Who is this girl?」 - 「Is she crazy? This place belongs to the Golden Sand Gang!」 - 「Who dares look for trouble here? And crosses the Golden Sand Gang?」 - ……Questions after questions flashed across his mind like lightning. + 「Is she crazy? This place belongs to the 「Golden Sand Gang」!」 + 「Who dares look for trouble here? And crosses the path of the 「Golden Sand Gang」 path?」 + …Questions after questions flashed across his mind like lightning. - 「This girl…… who the hell is she?」 + 「This girl… who the hell is she?」 diff --git a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-02.xml b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-02.xml index 60efaae2..5ea0817b 100644 --- a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-02.xml +++ b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-02.xml @@ -6,17 +6,17 @@ - Unbeknownst to the man: though the girl may be young, she has quite a background. + The man did not know it, but despite her young age, the girl already had quite the background. - The girl’s name is Li Sushang. + The girl’s name was Li Sushang.

-

She’s the young heiress of 「Issen Manor」 in Sichuan, the sole daughter of 「Ebonstyle」 Qin Suyi, the 7th Disciple of Empyrea Phoenix.

+

She was the young heiress of 「Issen Manor」 in Sichuan, the sole daughter of 「Ebonstyle」 Qin Suyi and the 7th Disciple of Empyrea Phoenix.

 @@ -25,31 +25,31 @@

Empyrea Phoenix, Ebonstyle, Issen Manor.[\s]

-

In Shenzhou’s martial world, these are all famed and respectable names.

+

In Shenzhou’s martial world, these were all famed and respectable names.

 - But here in the endless desert, these are merely meaningless words. + But here in the endless desert, these were meaningless words. -

The desert is an honorless, lawless wilderness:[\s]

+

The desert was an honorless, lawless wilderness:[\s]

「The strong live, the weak die.」

「Perhaps this is why,」 Sushang thought.

-

「This was why Mother sent me to train here despite Father’s protests.」

+

「This is why Mother sent me to train here despite Father’s protests.」

 Sushang began training when she was only a year old toddler; -

Her mother dotes on her a lot,

+

Her mother doted on her a lot,

but she was also extremely strict when it came to her sword training.

 - Sushang endured many hardships, she’d be awoken from the pain from her training at night. - She would cry to her father about this—— but that would only make her mother even harsher. + Sushang endured many hardships. She’d be awoken from the pain from her training at night. + She would cry to her father about this—— but that would only make her mother even harsher. Not even the master of 「Issen Manor」, 「Young Marquis Of Sichuan」 Li Shen, could withstand a glance from her mother. -

Since then, Sushang doubled her efforts in practicing swordsmanship and her family’s twelve ways of 「Issin Mnemonics」 was thoroughly proficient.

+

Since then, Sushang doubled her efforts in practicing swordmanship, and was thoroughly proficient in her family's twelve ways of Issin Mnemonics.

But when her mother took a look, she still shook her head.

 @@ -65,8 +65,8 @@

「Fleeting Swallow and 13 Stances of the Diving Swift are amazing skills in the middle of Sichuan, but how about Master’s “Edge of Taixuan”?

I shouldn’t have listened to your nonsense and changed Issin Mnemonics.」

- 「…………」 - Her father whispered something, Sushang couldn’t hear him properly, but her mother gave a cold sneer. + 「……」 + Her father whispered something, Sushang couldn’t hear him properly, but her mother gave him a cold sneer. 「Okay, so it’s my fault now? Then I’ve wasted ten years on you in vain.」 「I don’t care about you, and you don’t care about Sushang. Unlike you, she’s shown great potential in sword practice. Even if she’s not as good as Fifth Senior Sister, she’s still better than me.」 From Sushang’s hearing outside the window, her mother sounded cold and defeated. @@ -74,12 +74,12 @@

「My Blade Mantra has been damaged, yours can’t be cultivated, what can I say?[\s]

Tomorrow, I will head to the Northern Desert and ask the Fifth Senior Sister to take Sushang as her disciple.」

- 「Fifth Senior Sister owes me a personal favor. My face is low, but as long as I speak, she won’t refuse.」 + 「The Fifth Senior Sister owes me a personal favor. My face is low, but as long as I speak, she won’t refuse.」 Her father was taken aback, then he sternly objected. Sushang was inexplicably terrified when she heard it. She wanted to agree with her father, but she was also curious about what her mother said about 「Northern Desert」 and 「Fifth Sister」. 「——Edge of Taixuan.」 - The short three characters seemed to have magical powers, and all the noise was eliminated as soon as they were spoken, and the room was suddenly silent. + The three short words seemed to have magical powers. As soon as they were spoken, all the noise around them disappeared, and the room fell suddenly into silence. 「Ever since Master passed away, Lingshuang alone has mastered the Essence of Eminence in this world.」 - 「Since Sushang wants to learn swordsmanship, why not learn the best swordsmanship?」 + 「Since Sushang wants to learn swordsmanship, why not learn from the best swordsman?」 @@ -87,8 +87,7 @@

On the day of Sushang’s fifth birthday, her parents gave her a generous parting gift.

 -

Bidding goodbye to Issen Manor, Sichuan and her "home".

-

She went to the Northern Desert and learned the 「best swordsmanship」 for a whole decade.

+

Bidding goddbye to Issen Manor, Sichuan, and her "home", she went to the Northern Desert and learned the 「best swordsmanship」 for a whole decade.

 Unlocked Biography: 「Li Sushang」 @@ -98,16 +97,16 @@

Ten years had suddenly passed.

-

No longer did she yearn for her home, the only thing she still bears in her heart is her mother’s bidding.

+

No longer did she yearn for her home, the only thing she still bore in her heart was her mother’s bidding.

 -

Has her swordsmanship improved?

-

Has her martial arts techniques improved?

-

Does her current self finally meet her mother’s expectations?

+

Had her swordsmanship improved?

+

Had her martial arts techniques improved?

+

Did her current self finally meet her mother’s expectations?

 - ……Sushang doesn’t know, she still needs proof. + …Sushang didn’t know, she still needed proof. - And the way to prove it, is through a『Sword Trial』. + And the way to prove it, was through a『Sword Trial』. @@ -120,7 +119,7 @@ Needless to say, this smile said everything:

-

the girl’s first 『Sword Trial』, is today!

+

the girl’s first 『Sword Trial』, was today!