From 24c0c11d1d22959d5ec8df8873703d837880512d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Haeldral <37022753+Haeldral@users.noreply.github.com>
Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2023 09:23:12 +0200
Subject: [PATCH] Scene 4-03 (#252)
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* FIRST COMMIT - SCENE 4-00

first commit, it's a test but also a real review of the test.
"hey haelle, you already reviewed this part though?"
"yeah but it was really bad, I was doing single dialog review instead of reviewing the scene as a whole"

The major changes here a uniformisation of the tenses: everything now respects the past tense as recommended in stories. You can learn more here: https://centralschool.ie/english-grammar/narrative-tenses/
Another major change are the "……" becoming "…", since the first form doesn't exist in english

* Finalize scene-4-00

* Update scene-4-03.xml

* Update scene-4-03.xml

* Apply fixes

---------

Co-authored-by: Sakura Knoll <s4kura.knoll@gmail.com>
---
 public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-03.xml | 48 +++++++++++------------
 1 file changed, 24 insertions(+), 24 deletions(-)

diff --git a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-03.xml b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-03.xml
index d87dffff..dfafff7d 100644
--- a/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-03.xml
+++ b/public/novels/7s/en-US/xml/scene-4-03.xml
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@
   <motion chara="099" action="show" pos="right" img="山贼3号远景" duration="3"></motion>
   <delay t="2"></delay>
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
-  <text>The girl counted the numbers silently in her head.</text>
+  <text>The girl counted silently in her head.</text>
   <text>(Two)</text>
   <event action="hide_ui" duration="2"></event>
   <se id="01-19男性沙漠疾行_02"></se>
@@ -17,13 +17,13 @@
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
   <text>
     <p>Two brutish men approached from the left. </p>
-    <p>One of whom was the man who first discovered the girl and gave the warning.</p>
+    <p>One of them was the man who first discovered the girl and gave the warning.</p>
   </text>
   <text>
-    <p>He held a sword in his hand and was beaming.</p>
+    <p>He was holding a sword in his hand and was beaming.</p>
     <p>Just like a hunter watching its prey falling into a trap, his smile was telling death. </p>
   </text>
-  <text>But, the girl wasn’t afraid. </text>
+  <text>But the girl wasn’t afraid. </text>
   <transition mode="move" in="0.5" stop="0.5" out="0.5" color="#000000" direction="left" custom="thick"></transition>
   <motion chara="099" action="hide"></motion>
   <motion chara="095" action="hide"></motion>
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
   <text>
     <p>The big guy on the right side wasn't in the girl’s line of sight at all.</p>
-    <p>He ran over after hearing the warning sound.</p>
+    <p>He ran in after hearing the warning sound.</p>
   </text>
   <text>(Four)</text>
   <event action="hide_ui" duration="2"></event>
@@ -44,17 +44,17 @@
   <delay t="2"></delay>
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
   <text>The nearest bandit was only about five steps away from Sushang.</text>
-  <text>It was a muscular man with a greatsword. Among the four, he was the eldest and the most experienced in martial arts.</text>
+  <text>He was a muscular man with a greatsword. Among the four, he was the eldest and the most experienced in martial arts.</text>
   <motion chara="099" action="hide"></motion>
   <motion chara="094" action="hide"></motion>
   <transition mode="move" in="0.3" stop="0.5" out="0.5" color="#000000" direction="right" custom="default"></transition>
   <bg img="BGDesert01"></bg>
   <motion chara="002" action="show" pos="center" img="素裳-专注-持剑-远景"></motion>
-  <text>……the girl had only trained against her master, and has no actual combat experience.</text>
+  <text>...the girl had only trained against her master, and had no actual combat experience.</text>
   <text>If she did, she would’ve known that no matter how strong martial artists are, they should try their best to avoid a situation where there’s more than one enemy. </text>
   <text>And fighting alone against four well trained sand bandits is no different from cutting one's own throat.</text>
   <motion chara="002" action="img_trans" img="素裳-浅笑-持剑-远景"></motion>
-  <text>Unfortunately, this girl didn’t know this 『Common Sense』, and her reclusive Master would be even more clueless. </text>
+  <text>Unfortunately, the girl didn’t know this common knowledge, and her reclusive Master would be even more clueless. </text>
   <text>Thus she wasn’t afraid, but excited.</text>
   <bgm looptimes="0"></bgm>
   <motion chara="002" action="hide"></motion>
@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
   <mono inline="true">
     <p></p>
-    <p>The girl shook her cloth bag, and held the ancient sword 『Xuanyuan』 behind her back. </p>
+    <p>The girl shook her cloth bag, and drew the ancient sword 『Xuanyuan』 from behind her back.</p>
   </mono>
   <motion chara="002" action="hide"></motion>
   <cg scale="2.7" origin="75%,10%" img="CG_通用_李素裳战斗-1"></cg>
@@ -85,7 +85,7 @@
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
-    <p>The feeling of holding a sword in hand always made her feel at ease.</p>
+    <p>The feeling of having a sword in hand always made her feel at ease.</p>
   </mono>
   <delay t="0.1"></delay>
   <event action="hide_ui" duration="1"></event>
@@ -93,7 +93,7 @@
   <delay t="1"></delay>
   <event action="show_ui"></event>
   <mono pageend="true">
-    <p>What happened next</p>
+    <p>What happened next,</p>
     <p></p>
     <p>was supposed to be like this:</p>
   </mono>
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@
   <motion chara="-5" action="show" pos="center" img="速度线左右1"></motion>
   <mono pageend="true">
     <p></p>
-    <p>The girl leaped from her feet, her body was astonishingly graceful.</p>
+    <p>The girl leaped forward, her body astonishingly graceful.</p>
   </mono>
   <motion chara="-5" action="hide"></motion>
   <delay t="0.1"></delay>
@@ -115,12 +115,12 @@
   <delay t="0.1"></delay>
   <mono>
     <p></p>
-    <p>When she landed, her sword was thrusted into the brute’s chest. </p>
+    <p>When she landed, she thrusted her sword into the brute's chest. </p>
   </mono>
   <mono inline="true">
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
-    <p>She drew out the sword and turned around —— the movement was so fast that the blood hadn't gushed out.</p>
+    <p>She drew out the sword and turned around —— the movement was so fast that the blood hadn't gushed out yet.</p>
   </mono>
   <se id="01-02大剑命中"></se>
   <motion chara="-4" action="shake" duration="0.1" range="60" direction="vertical"></motion>
@@ -129,21 +129,21 @@
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
-    <p>Then she held out the sword and watched the ferocious smile solidify on the man's face.</p>
+    <p>Then she held out the sword and watched the ferocious smile forming on the man's face.</p>
   </mono>
   <mono pageend="true">
     <p></p>
     <p></p>
-    <p>This way, there are only two of the four enemies left —— easily.</p>
+    <p>There were only two of the four enemies left —— easy.</p>
   </mono>
   <transition mode="dissolve" in="3" stop="0.5" out="0" color="#000000"></transition>
   <bg img="PureBlack"></bg>
   <motion chara="002" action="show" pos="center" img="素裳-标准-持剑-远景"></motion>
   <transition mode="fade" in="0" stop="0.5" out="1" color="#000000"></transition>
-  <text>…… The girl conceived this script in an instant.</text>
+  <text>… The girl had conceived this script in an instant.</text>
   <text>
-    <p>With her martial arts accomplishments and  the benefits of the ancient sword, Xuanyuan——</p>
-    <p>Turning this scenario from fantasy to reality, would be too easy. </p>
+    <p>With her martial arts accomplishments and the benefits of the ancient sword, Xuanyuan——</p>
+    <p>——Turning this scenario from fantasy to reality would be too easy. </p>
   </text>
   <bgm looptimes="0"></bgm>
   <motion chara="002" action="hide"></motion>
@@ -155,11 +155,11 @@
   </mono>
   <motion chara="002" action="show" pos="center" img="素裳-专注-持剑-远景"></motion>
   <text>But the girl didn’t move.</text>
-  <text>…… Not worth it.</text>
+  <text>… Not worth it.</text>
   <motion chara="002" action="hide"></motion>
   <se id="01-21轩辕剑氛围声" looptimes="-1"></se>
   <transition mode="fade" in="1" stop="0.5" out="1" color="#000000"></transition>
-  <text inline="true">The ancient Xuanyuan Sword—— wasn’t a weapon used to deal against these foes. </text>
+  <text inline="true">The ancient Xuanyuan Sword wasn’t a weapon used for dealing with these foes. </text>
   <text>
     <p></p>
     <p>The four people in front of her, didn’t even deserve to lay their eyes on the true face of the sword. </p>
@@ -169,11 +169,11 @@
     <p>This sword had been handed down since ancient times when the human and gods crossed the heavens, and it had gone through tens of thousands of years.</p>
   </text>
   <text>
-    <p>Its owner was the legend of martial arts, the only true Celestial, and the Guardian of Shenzhou 『Empyrea Phoenix』.</p>
+    <p>Its owner was the legend of martial arts, the only true Celestial and the Guardian of Shenzhou, 『Empyrea Phoenix』.</p>
   </text>
   <text>Twenty-nine years ago, Empyrea Phoenix received an orphan girl as her last disciple in the East Seas, and gifted her this sword.</text>
   <text>
-    <p>The Seventh Sword of Taixuan 『Ebonstyle』 Qin Suyi, shook the Jianghu society.</p>
+    <p>The Seventh Sword of Taixuan, 『Ebonstyle』 Qin Suyi, shook the Jianghu society.</p>
   </text>
   <text>
     <p>After the real Celestial returned to the heavens, Qin Suyi disappeared, and resurfaced to the Jianghu Society three years later. The romantic love story between her and Li Shen, "Young Marquis of Sichuan", had been passed down for a while.</p>
@@ -213,4 +213,4 @@
   <text>——Aren’t even worthy of being my trial opponents!</text>
   <motion chara="002" action="hide"></motion>
   <event action="goto" to="04"></event>
-</scene>
\ No newline at end of file
+</scene>